Blown Throne

Uncle Claude had a beautiful outhouse.  Maybe not as elegant as the two story variety that Grandpa said the politicians in Washington, DC used, but without a doubt the fanciest building for its purpose between New York and San Francisco. 

It was erected on a concrete slab over what appeared to be a bottomless pit.  A six panel wood door with a glass knob provided access to what Grandpa proclaimed as the “the King of all Crappers.”

Richard lit the fuse and dropped the stick into the bottomless pit.  Within seconds, he and Clifford fully understood the phrase about the fan.

Funny is as Funny does

Humor is a funny thing. A joke that doubles one person over with laughter may not be even mildly amusing to another. It’s not that they don’t get it—it’s just not funny to them.

In his writers’ forum, Patrick McManus http://www.patrickfmcmanus.com/ warns us that editors are afraid of humor. The rejection letter may state that they laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks—but, sorry—it is not a good fit for our publication at this time. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

The truth is everyone loves humor, but nobody wants to pay for it. In fact, even giving it away can be difficult. Reminds me of the old Henny Youngman joke, “That my wife . . . please!”

I guess this explains why comedies never win an Oscar for best picture. While discussing the virtues of Dumb and Dumber, I had a young lady tell me it was an “insult to her intelligence.” Perhaps a remake entitled, Smart and Smarter, would bring a full scale “assault” on her intelligence.

Now, I want you to put on your memory hat (no, not the beanie with a propeller on top) and tell me;

• What’s your all-time favorite comedy movie
• Your favorite comedian or humorist
• Which “People of Walmart” photos you find most disgusting

No cheating. Keep your eyes on your own monitor. Scores on this test will count for half of your grade this semester. Good luck.

Twu Woemance

Max blew a deep, warm breath into a cupped hand and buffed the marble against his flannel shirt. This was his most prized possession, a gift passed down from Grandpa Wilson. It wasn’t really a marble at all, just a perfectly round stone embedded with tiny crystals and multi-colored swirls of turquoise and corral. Grandmother said it held magical powers.  

Max found Cecelia under their favorite tree, where he’d carved their initials inside a heart last week.

“I have something for you,” he whispered, placing his hand in hers.

She opened her palm. “Oh great, a freakin’ rock. How woemantic.”

Critiquing Fiction

Three and half years ago my neighbor, Linda Apple http://www.lindacapple.com/ , invited me to attend a meeting of the NWA Writers Workshop http://www.nwawriters.org/index.php. I had been writing poetry and songs for most of my life, but had only written two or three short stories and had no earthly idea what I was doing. Boy, was my life about to change.

These folks welcomed me into the group like I was a long lost cousin from their favorite aunt’s side of the family. They must have the patience of Job to tolerate someone as backwoods and ignorant as me. Not only are they willing to share their vast knowledge and expertise, they even invited me attend writers conferences with them.

Today, in an effort to pay forward, I’m going to share some important information that will make you a better writer. You will recognize the story below, but the names have been changed due to the witness protection program.

RICO and JANET

Go, Rico, go!

See Rico go.

Can Janet go? Yes, see Janet go.

          Plenty of action in this scene, but a lot of repetitive words. Also, it’s lacking a sense of place. Where are we—a football game, the beach, on a treadmill? Who’s telling the story (point of view, or POV in writer talk)?

See Fido run.

Fido bit Fluffy.

“Bad Fido, bad,” said Janet.

          Finally some dialogue. How did Fluffy feel? Add some internalization here. Invoke the five senses—has Fido rolled in something dead? What does Fluffy’s fur taste like?

In this example, I’ve only point out some of the most obvious flaws in this story. It’s not bad writing, it just needs a little help.

What suggestions would you give this author to improve the story?

Welcome, and thanks for stopping by.

For two years, friends have been telling me I should start a blog. Overcoming laziness and procrastination is never easy, especially when you hold a master’s degree in both fields of study.

I’m a visual learner who requires personal instruction to become mediocre at performing simple tasks (no, I’m not from Missouri). For example, Connie has spent thirty-six years trying to teach me how to use a broom and mop. I still haven’t mastered it and probably never will. Yet, I admire her patience and persistence when dealing with a cleaning challenged individual.

One thing I want to make clear from the start—this is an interactive blog. Don’t expect to sit there all comfy and relaxed while I do all the work. My job here is to provide thought provoking topics and pose serious questions whereby the entire readership, working as a team, can solve the mysteries of the universe.

Be prepared to respond when I attack you with hard-hitting questions such as;

• What did you have for breakfast?
• Ginger or Mary Ann?
• Is that a booger hanging out of your nose?

I want to hear about that cousin who ain’t quite right. You know the one.

Tell me something he/she did that was so stupid or funny you laughed until tears rolled down your cheeks.