Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Housekeeping Hints

Women live under a lot of pressure. There’s a high level of expectation as to how the home should be kept and decorated. From what I can tell, the cleanliness bar is set (and periodically readjusted) by one’s peers.
The best way to attain a passing grade from judgmental guests is to serve good wine—and plenty of it. Minor imperfections such as dirty dishes, clothes in the floor, and black-velvet paintings become insignificant dust bunnies bouncing harmlessly in the cozy confines of your humble abode.
You may think its bad now, but it was even tougher back in the old days. Cave women didn’t always good wine and liquor stores had not yet been invented. What’s a girl to do? Ugla is coming by this afternoon and the place is a mess. Dar’s loincloth is on the kitchen floor, cobwebs dangle from the stalactites, and the kids don’t look like they’ve had a bath in three moons. That Neanderthal witch will tell every woman within a two-day walk what a terrible cavekeeper you are.
Thankfully, your copy of Good Cavekeeping magazine arrived yesterday and you can keep Ugla occupied by discussing exciting new recipes for charred meat, roots, and wild berries.
If you’re still afraid she’ll badmouth your cave, hit her in the head with a rock. It works every time.


  1. Too bad the women didn't know how to make moonshine! :) Awesome story Russell. I had a good lauph this afternoon!

  2. I bet some women did know how to made moonshine!

    And anyway, let Dar pick up his own loincloth. Ugla and I have our own work to do.

  3. Hahahah, I'd say skip to the rock on all counts - past and present ;)

  4. Or stuff her mouth with dust bunnies! Robin

  5. Good Cavekeeping? Love it! Now, Julianna and Marissa and Claudine all have their houses decorated for Christmas, so I MUST get started. Now where in is that blasted bottle of wine??

  6. I agree with Madison. A good rock upside the head works wonders every time. Then drink the wine!
    Cute story.