Monday, December 5, 2011

Peeves I like to Pet (part1 of 2)

Russell is busy working on the annual Gayer Family Christmas card. Rachel Crofton has graciously offered to sit as guest blogger for a couple of posts this month. Rachel is best known for her essay Dodging Miss Daisy and is currently working on a memoir entitled, Raising Cain.

Peeves make wonderful pets. You can take them anywhere. They don’t require food, water, or vaccinations, although I do recommend grooming them from time to time.
One of my favorite things about peeves is that you can have as many as you want. In fact, I have an entire kennel of them. Peeves love attention and like to come out for a playful romp at every available opportunity. Like other pets, regular exercise is essential in keeping them healthy and happy.
Hurry Up and Wait is one of my favorites. She likes to sit on the counter while I fix my hair and apply make-up. In the other room, my husband, Brad, is pacing like a lion who has just had its kill taken over by a pack of hyenas. How that man can watch a motionless fishing rod for two hours, or sit on a rock in the woods for half a day without seeing anything, is beyond me. But tell him you need five minutes to get ready before going out, and you’d think you were asking Richard Nixon to surrender the Watergate tapes.
I tell him, “Good things come to those who wait.”
Running on Empty is another of my high achievers. I hate pumping gas. The wind messes with my hair, my ankles freeze, and the scent of gasoline lingers on my hands for days. If there’s enough in the tank to get from point “A” to point “B” that’s all you need, right?
There’s a little icon on the dash that indicates when the tank is almost empty. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to it, but the flashing red light seems to really annoy Brad. He immediately flies into a tirade about how we’re going to be late, followed by an extended period of prayer in which he asks for the fumes hold out till we get to the nearest station.
I really think he should plan better and allow more time, but the last time I mentioned it he glared at me with fiery eyes and clenched teeth. He doesn’t take suggestions well when he’s pushing a car in the rain.


  1. Ms. Crofton, you clearly understand how important pets are. I can not tell you how many times I've gotten out of my car in the Walmart parking lot and heard the bark of someones pet left in a car. It's obvious to me you would never leave a pet behind.

  2. I have to say, I especially like Hurry Up and Wait. And Rachel, I like the way you communicate with your husband. Do you give seminars? My favorite peeve is Fickle Frenetic Freda. Nothing like having plans all laid out, just to have Freda walk into the room and disrupt it all like an F5 tornado. Good post, Russell. And Rachel, you really must guest again soon.

  3. Thank you, Jack & Jan. I assure you Rachel has more than two pets, and you will be hearing more from her very soon. I understand all about Fickle Frenetic Freda--just trying to get the family together for Christmas seems to be a monumental scheduling challenge!